2013

G ran into our bedroom last night, stood still in the darkness, told me of his bad dream. He’d fallen over and was being nibbled at by the dog––our fox terrier Bassie. He jumped up just in time.

I took M into my supervision meeting with Prof K today. He was kind to her and interested in her as a person. Then afterwards M ran freely with the pigeons, sang: I like the swan girls, I love the Halloween boys, everyone wants to fly the trapeze, but no one can fly as high as me. I took up the lyric, set it to a Mary Poppins tune: ‘Let’s go fly a kite, up where the air is bright, let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring…’ A jolly rollicking paean. On and on, higher and higher, Marlene and the bright blue sky. A maverick on the trapeze we bought her, hung from a beam in the sitting room, on which she propels back, forth, legs crooked, clinging to the wooden bar, jaunting along. Nothing can hold her back from dolphin-winged-freedom.

I saw ‘Tiny Ruins’ perform at RRR studios. I wish I could perform like that––so comfortable in my skin in front of everyone, totally present. I’ve already forgotten how to play the guitar. My piano skills have vanished. I mourn for my past musical aptitudes.

I saw S today––was shocked at how thin he is. He looked unkempt with his dirty curls. I don’t know what I can do to help. I love him so much. But, he is in so much trouble. He’s on horrible medication because of all of his drug taking. He was not in a good way today. He needs love and support, but he’s alienated all of those who love him.

G needs more mummy time. He needs help with his confidence. I think his easygoing ways hide a lot of fears, like having to attend Sherbrooke childcare a couple of times a week.

J went to get frames for my artworks for the exhibition––an act of love.

Re-learn your Alphabet for the Twenty-First Century. B is for build a fairytale castle in your mind.